Well, like I said earlier, I DID remember to call my dad on Father's Day, and it was cool to get some interesting news from home. Apparently, my dad was driving along a seldom-used Missouri back road when he came across a mammoth softshell turtle napping in the road. Now my dad is from Missouri and has spent a good part of his life chasing cold-blooded critters around in the Ozarks, but he said this was by far the largest softshell he had ever seen. My brother e-mailed me the pictures, and I am going to load them on flickr now, so go check this monster out. It looks like an extra from a Godzilla movie!
Anyway, my dad, being the best friend a reptile has ever known, didn't want this slimy behemouth to get run over by an ATV or lashed by a motor boat, so he brought it back home with him and called Bass Pro Shops up. It seems that it took quite a while and several conversations with employees before he could convince them to come take a look (like, 'yeah, a turtle? wow... I've never seen one of those before...' - note: sarcasm implied). When they did, they couldn't believe their eyes. They wound up taking it with them to put in quarantine before giving it a home on display in one of their stores. I'll be sure to post any updates on this story when I get them.